by sensie
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I need some advice for my wife. I love her. We have been married for eight years and we have two kids. I work as a public servant. She sells bowls and other plastic things next to our house. It’s our own store. When she gave birth to our daughter, the firstborn, I hired someone to help with selling at the shop because she was always complaining that when I leave for work, she is the only one at home and she needed some help so I hired the lady to help her. My wife would leave the shop and everything for the lady and go inside the house and be watching TV until I come home. The girl was doing the house chores and even cooking for her. When I return from work, my food will be ready and all that whiIe I thought my wife was the one cooking, not knowing it was the girl. The girl closes work at 6 and she leaves before I get home so I didn’t know.


I found out later when she asked me to increase her salary because the job description I gave her is below what she was doing. My wife wasn’t ill during any of her two pregnancies. She was strong and active until delivery. I also wasn’t forcing her to be doing any strenuous work. It wasn’t required that she swept the compound everyday. We were the only people in the house so there was no need. Yet she got lazy every year after her first pregnancy.  I asked her about the lady’s complaint to me about performing house help duties in addition to selling at the store and my wife said she was exaggerating. In order for peace to reign, I increased the salary of the lady and everything was fine. When wifey got pregnant with our second child which was a boy, the laziness got worse. She wasn’t even waking up to open the shop before the girl arrived. This is even before she started showing.


I thought it was the pregnancy hormones and it will pass, but my wife has become lazy. Very lazy. I feel bad for admitting it, but I have to. When she wakes up from bed, it’s either Netflix or DSTV. The lady opens the shop and handles everything. I have complained to my wife to at least sit at the shop and make sure that she handles the payments. We can’t trust anyone these days. She doesn’t do it. I wake up and call the kids and get them ready for school. She doesn’t do it. There are times she calls me to tell me she can’t cook this evening so I should buy food on my way coming. Meanwhile, there are enough ingredients in the fridge for cooking. She has stopped going to the market. She calls her younger sister to pass by our home when she is going to the market so that she will add ours.

Somewhere last month I got very angry with my wife. She has taught our 7 year old daughter how to operate the washing machine and our daughter was washing my clothes and boxers. Because of that attitude from my wife. I separated my boxers and singlets and was doing my own laundry Friday early morning before I go to work. Now she has added her own clothes. Our daughter does the laundry for her, including her underwear. I have asked her why she has insisted on doing nothing and she said I should just get a maid and she is my wife, not my maid. On Saturdays my daughter has been sweeping the house. The compound is big and I have told her to stop doing it. I got angry because of all of this so last month I cut our DSTV and Netflix. I didn’t renew the subscription for both. I didn’t buy credit into our wifi too. My wife got very angry with me and was shouting and insulting me the whole day.


Family, please judge this for me. Am I wrong as a married man to expect these things from my wife? A woman who has agreed to be with me for the rest of our lives? I thought it will come as a second nature to her especially since she is at home to at least cook, do laundry and keep the home tidy. I am doing my best by providing money for my family.  What can I do to make her do something? When it comes to our finances, I do everything. The store is not fetching much profit. Even with that, I’m not saying she should do any serious work. I just expect that at least she should take care of home and make home peaceful for me to return to. Am I in the wrong? What can I do about this situation?

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